CHRISTMAS MUSIC: IMMORTALITY KEEPS MULTIPLYING‏

Oscar Wilde, we are told, once said, "Soon we shall have Christmas at our throats."

Little could he have imagined that one day, because of mass media, elevator music and a (heavenly?) host of hand-held devises, we would too soon have the sacred holiday at our ears, as well.

And here's the trouble:

Christmas songs are an ever-multiplying and never-dying phenomenon.

Only Christmas songs could resurrect Gene Autry, Perry Como and Bing Crosby and, likewise, bring Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, Mel Torme and Judy Garland back from the grave every year.

I'm old enough to remember when Rudolph was first barred from reindeer games, when Frosty first set up shop and when Santa Claus first steered his team of eight down Santa Claus Lane.  And that's leaving out The Little Drummer Boy, Silver Bells, A Jolly Holly Christmas, I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, All I Want for Christmas is You, Oh, By Gosh, By Golly, Jingle Bell Rock.  And all the rest.

ALL THE REST!

Douglas MacArthur bid farewell to Congress, the nation and public life with the adage and song title, "Old Soldiers Never Die; They Just Fade Away."

But while it is true that old Christmas songs never die, it is equally true that they refuse to fade away. Traditional or modern, Come All Ye Faithful and God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen are still mandatory and so are Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas and The Christmas Song (Chestnuts roasting and kids dressed up like Eskimos, etc.)

The bad Christmas songs don't drive out the good. But, then, neither do the good Christmas songs drive out the bad. Nor do the old drive out the new or the new drive out the old. Nothing drives any of them out.  And why? Because Christmastime (old-fashioned word) keeps expanding. Many people complain that Christmas begins immediately following Halloween. Perhaps not yet. Probably soon. However, there can be no question that Thanksgiving and its bete noire Black Friday are now fully accepted as the beginning -- even though it's still November.

Even the kids behind the counters at Starbucks are dressed like elves that black day and the very cardboard cups in which they serve their multitudinous brews are decked like halls.

The War on Christmas? Like most things of Fox News -- Bah! Humbug!  It's Christmas' War on My Ears that's got me dreading all those tidings of comfort and joy the last fiscal quarter -- I mean, the most wonderful time  --  of the year.

I Beg Your Question!

Now, lookit:

There are words and phrases that sound the opposite of what they mean. “We expect a certain amount of snow this winter,” means that, though we expect snow, we are not certain how much snow we will get this winter. Somehow “certain” has become “uncertain.”

“Opprobrium” sounds as though it means approval. In fact, it means condemnation.

“Meretricious” sounds as though it means something has merit. What it really means is a thing that appears to have merit, but is instead awful.” The word is itself meretricious.

There are other examples, too, of course. The odious “I could care less” means the only slightly less odious “I couldn’t care less.” (It also means the speaker is not listening to his or her own words.)

On and on.

But here’s the latest foul-up. “That begs the question” does not mean “That raises the question.” It means, “That avoids the question,” or, usually, more precisely, “That intentionally dodges the question.” To beg the question is to leave the question unanswered, rather than to suggest the question in the first place.

News people from the serious kind – “This is the news” – to the comic – “This is the fake news” – to the Sunday morning pundits – “But the real issue here, George, David, Bob, John, Chris”-- all make this mistake.

Why? Hard to say. Probably because to them it sounds good. Like “Oversight” which really means a mistake but is used to mean “oversee.” Or “Feedback” which any broadcasting person should know is a terrible electronic snafu, very hard on the ears, but has become “response.” Or, more to the point, words are often simply about sound and this phrase sounds important.

Mark Twain said: “The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug. “

“Beg the question” is our latest lightning bug. And it’s a dim one.

No News May Be Good News But No Problem is a Problem

Now look: this isn’t complicated. Yet it’s confusing a lot of people. In fact, recently, when CBS SUNDAY MORNING had one of its editorial lite guys try to explain the “No Problem” problem, he got it wrong.

The crux is that instead of saying, “You’re welcome,” the younger generation is saying “No problem.” The older generation thinks, “I never said there was a problem. In fact, there never was a problem and no one ever thought there was a problem. So why are you saying, 'No problem,' when I pay for my groceries or I acknowledge you for holding the elevator for me?"

The CBS guy got all turned around, though, saying that when you thanked someone for a big favor, then it was okay for that person to reply, “No problem.”

No.

When someone does something for which you thank him or her, there are many things to say: “You’re welcome.” “Sure Thing.” “You bet.” “Glad to do it.” Or, in some cases, “No! Thank you!!!”

Back to basics. Manners are about making the other person feel good. The only time saying “No Problem” meets that standard is as an answer to an apology. Someone feels bad because of stepping on your toe, losing something he or she borrowed from you, spilling coffee on your rug, breaking a dish of yours.

To make that person feel better in such a situation, when he or she apologizes, you try to alleviate the embarrassment, make the person feel okay again. So you say, “You have done no real harm.” Nothing serious. Don’t worry. The person in question has created no problem.

Thus, this guide post: when someone does something nice and you say, “Thank you,” the reply should never be, “No harm done.”

You got a problem with that?

They say...and I Wish They'd Stop It

Mark Twain found the German language maddening. George Bernard Shaw thought English spelling and pronunciation absurd. Well, I don't speak much German and I never could spell worth a damn. So it's all the same to me. However, here's a question that isn't:

Who is it who takes foreign words -- from other alphabets yet  -- and tells us how to pronounce them?

Oh! And gets them wrong.

Just a couple of examples:

Over the years, I have heard the name of a city in China pronounced "peking," "peek-ing," "pay-ping" and, lately "bay-jing." Well, which is it? Have the Chinese changed their pronunciation of this name every decade? We still order peek-ing Duck, but apparently the city's name has moved on. They say.

Next, if Moscow is supposed to be pronounced "Mosco" (like Monaco, I guess, or Texaco), why spell it as though it were a sort of cow? They do.

The sole purpose of taking such words from other alphabets is to give us their proper pronunciation. And yet, whoever it is who has this purely phonetic task of getting it right gets it wrong. Whoever that is is called "They."

I know the identity of highly-paid meteorologists on television who, when their predictions are wrong, never mention, let alone apologize for the fact. I can identify Chris Matthews, whose national TV shows -- not counting repeats -- are a  weekly six-pack of inexcusable bad manners; he predicted a Giuliani presidency in 2008 and a Michelle Bachmann Republican presidential nomination in 2012. That's Chris. Wrong, certainly, but identifiable.

Now that we are becoming more aware of the Middle East, very strange pronunciations show up daily that certainly do not match their spellings. So we can expect more and more of this odd-matching.

But what is the source of all this chop-logic and confusion?

That is to say: who are they?